The disaster of stress in a relationship

Stress does not make anyone a nicer person, so it can also cause problems in your relationship.  Scientists have now discovered that it even has an indirect effect.

A short fuse, crankiness, tension and impatience, stress can lead to all kinds of unpleasant behavior, which can also have an impact on your relationship. This is called the spillover effect in psychology: the extent to which your own emotions influence how the people around you feel.

Break promise The negative behaviors monitored in the study include breaking a promise, showing anger or impatience, and criticizing the other person.  "We found that people who experienced more stress outside of their relationship, such as because of problems at work, were more likely to notice unfriendly behavior from their partners than the less stressed respondents," said lead researcher Dr. Lisa Neff of the University of Texas, whose study in  journal Social Psychological and Personality Science was published.

Pink glasses

Newlywed couples are interesting in this case, Neff notes, because in the early stages of their marriage they are much more focused on each other's positive behaviors and tend to overlook negative ones. “The past few years have been difficult for many people and the stress of the corona pandemic is still not quite over. If stress makes people focus more on unkind behavior from their partner, it is likely that the pandemic is taking its toll on relationships," the researcher said.

That's particularly interesting, because the researchers found that a single stressful day or event isn't enough to shift one person's focus to the other's negative behavior. This requires a longer period of stress. The study also found that people who were stressed were no less likely to notice positive behavior from their partner, they were just more likely to see the unkind actions. On balance, this resulted in a more negative image of the other.

Awareness

 It is possible that awareness can help: if you know the effect stress has on your relationship, you can correct your behavior and ensure that you remain happy with each other. But this needs further investigation, Neff emphasizes. Follow-up research can also focus on couples who have been married for a longer period of time. "The harmful effects of stress may be even stronger in couples who are no longer in the early stages of their relationship," said the researcher. “The fact that we already found this effect in recently married couples shows how much of an impact stress can have.”

 It's good to be aware of that. If one of you is stressed, know that the focus on the other's behavior can change and become more negative. It might help to talk about it and be patient with each other.

Dr. Aziz, 29/9/2022